There’s an old saying that “you are more than the sum of your parts.” At Neshima Healing, this expression sums up much of our philosophy towards your wellbeing.
Together, we will make a place for all your parts to exist without judgement.
Many people just want the “negative parts” to vanish – but we can’t do that. Our parts do not vanish. What we can do is to understand them better. To allow them to feel heard and heal their burdens.
Everyone has a multitude of parts
Our parts guide our thoughts and actions
Our parts do not define our true Self
There are no bad parts
Where do our parts come from?
Everything we witness and experience in life leaves an impact on our personality or subconscious.
Most of our parts were formed at a young age. At that critical time, no one in our life was there to help us navigate a difficult new reality. So, we coped by creating a different part of our Self to house that trauma.
The trauma doesn’t have to be huge. In fact, it often isn’t.
It could be a time when we felt alone. A situation where we cried or were angry or afraid and no one was there to help. In this situation, we used a part of us as the coping mechanism.
But, in coping with this trauma, we also learned that it’s not okay to be fragile, weak, sad, etc. In fact, those are different parts that we actually exiled in the internal process. We don’t want to see them in ourselves because if they are there, we won’t be able to cope with life. Or so we’ve trained our Self to believe.
“Hagit gave me and the other women a sense of belonging from the first meeting. Calmly and with a smile, she led us on a journey to find inside all that we need.”
— Evalyn M.
Am I the sum of my parts?
The Self is the place inside us that is not a part.
It’s something that can only exist in the present moment – when your thoughts are not stuck in the past or the future.
It’s a place of compassion to our Self and to others. A place of curiosity, where we allow everything to exist as it is and where we are able to heal. It’s a place of pure joy and love.
It’s essential to remember that our parts do not define our true Self.
Sadly, we are often so blended and overwhelmed with our parts that we can’t see this pure place in our Self – the place OF Self.
But, when we can un-blend from our parts and create distance from them, the Self comes naturally. We don’t have to do anything … it always there – we’re just finally able to connect with it.
Above all else, it’s important to understand that there are no “bad parts.” The parts that you most want to change are often the ones that were created as a form of protection.
When we understand that and give them the space they need, they can begin to heal. We’re not exiling these parts or shaming them. Quite the opposite. We’re filling the darkest spaces with the pure light of love and allowing them to integrate with our true Self.
Then – and only then – can they begin to soften and give us space for our true Self to emerge.
How do our parts play into our fears and habits?
Often times, our most extreme thoughts and behaviors are simply masks for our most extreme parts.
These are the parts that we’re most afraid of and that we don’t want to see – especially because they manifest themselves in a very extreme way. The irony is that our fear of these “dark parts” is what empowers them to become so extreme.
Through individual therapy and group work, we can allow these parts to be heard from a place of self-love and compassion. That way, you create a safe container to hear and heal your parts.
Connecting with your true Self is like having a bird’s eye view of all your parts. When you see them all together, you quickly realize that, while they may make up various aspects of your personality, they do not define who you are.
Meditation is a powerful way to achieve this bird’s eye view and distance yourself from your parts. By witnessing our thoughts and our parts without judgement or reflection, we realize that our codependence, perfectionism, addictions, and anything else that we struggle with is not who we really are.
What’s the connection between your breath and your parts?
Pause before you react.
If I could only teach one technique, it would be to take a moment before reacting. In this pause – this breath – you find calmness and the ability to react from a place of Self – rather than letting your parts take control.
Our very human nature is one of pure curiosity – especially when exploring the Self. Once we’re in the place of Self, we can start saying, “Oh, I’m noticing this thought. Interesting, isn’t it. Do I want to do something with it? Probably not. Time to let it pass.”
In that moment of clarity, your thoughts are like clouds in the sky: slowly passing with no effect on your life. You are focused, centered, and completely in the present.
However, what often happens is that your thoughts triggers one of your most vulnerable parts and you feel overwhelmed. I call this, “being blended with your parts.”
Instead of that moment of clarity, your racing mind has a different conversation. “What does it mean? How can this be? What do I do? I have to act now!”
Before you know it, you’re reacting in a way you later regret – and find yourself in a very familiar cycle.
Your breath can help you escape that cycle and connect with your true Self.