Couples Counseling in Silicon Valley and Online

Remember how good it used to be?

When you met your love, you felt all the love in the world. You quickly moved past arguments or disagreements and life together was full of infinite potential. However, when you stack enough “little things” on top of each other, it eventually becomes a mountain of woe.

This is normal. Even the most successful relationships are rollercoaster rides of ups and downs. Connection and disconnect. However, the key is not letting stale old patterns dictate what you and your partner do today.

A relationship can feel lonely.

Over time, patterns became established. You and your partner train each other that it may not be safe to openly discuss your wants, needs, or feelings. The weight of mutual expectations, judgements, and hurt feelings can bog down your relationship. For extra chaos, add a kid or two into the mix.

When communication breaks down, it’s natural to feel isolated, lonely, and misunderstood. This becomes even more confusing when your lives are completely intertwined. Whose baggage or trauma is this anyway?

Anger
Codependence
Feeling needy
A lack of intimacy
Infidelity
Sexual issues
Anxiety
Stress
Unmet needs

Eventually, the romantic fire dims and you’re left living with a roommate rather than a sexual partner. These are all common complaints in couples counseling; and, if you are both open to change, it’s possible to reignite your spark … together.

“Without a doubt, I am now a more aware and mindful mom – more present and definitely happier!”

— Einat

Break free from your old patterns

When your partner does or says something triggering, it’s common to respond with “you always do that!” or, “here we go again!” Consciously or unconsciously, your mind produces a laundry list of evidence to support your belief. It’s time to break that pattern!

Both you and your partner are constantly evolving.

The person you were two years ago is completely different from the you of today. Every conflict or unwanted behavior is a new chance to communicate and move forward together.

Imagine if you looked at every interaction as an opportunity. Can you treat conflicts with that same lightheartedness you experienced during the honeymoon phase of your relationship? Is it possible to leave the past behind? That’s what therapy can help you do.

Start repairing your relationship in 10 minutes

Open communication without fear of judgment or retaliation is the key to a successful relationship. It’s also something that can be worked on at home. To get you started, here’s a quick exercise you and your partner can try right now:

Get comfortable and sit directly across from each other.
Dedicate 4 minutes for one of you to talk about yourself. What are you feeling? What’s going on in your life? Be as open and honest as possible.
During this time, the listener tries to listen fully with no distractions or interruptions.
The listener should notice what thoughts and feelings come up for them.
After 4 minutes, change the role.
Once both of you share, talk about what came up.

Avoid the temptation to “fix” the other person or to counter anything they said. Instead, focus on how it felt to talk without interruptions and how it was to be a listener.

Learning to listen without the need to respond or react is an essential skill in any relationship. Once you practice this in a neutral setting, try to bring that same mindfulness into your next conflict.

What can we do together?

As a couples counselor and Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, I can help you and your partner:

Identify patterns that might keep you from connecting.
Understand the difference in your personalities and develop tools to bridge the gaps.
Discover what’s holding you both back.
Reduce reactivity.
Develop capacity for new kinds of connection.
Foster heart communication.

My methods include a mix of Mindfulness, Enneagram, and Internal Family Systems (IFS). Here’s what that means:

Mindfulness

Learn how to exist in the present moment with your partner. Only there can you feel joy and change your story. Just because something has always been a certain way doesn’t mean it has to be that way NOW.

Internal Family Systems (IFS)

Much of the way we relate is determined by our internal parts. By getting to know those internal parts and relieve them from past traumas we can learn to connect in a different way.

Enneagram

By understanding your personality types, you can more effectively navigate the innate differences in the way you and your partner think and perceive the world.

Change happens TOGETHER

Couples therapy is not just for relationships that need mending. The earlier you and your partner learn to effectively communicate and coexist, the more fulfilling your partnership will be.

That said, most people come to me when they are ready to hop off the rollercoaster ride that dictates their relationship. Wherever you are in your journey, I am here to help you rediscover your joy, mend your broken fences, and THRIVE!

Welcome to Neshima Healing

1-1 Therapy

Women’s Group

Mindfulness Meditation

Upcoming Groups & Workshops

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Located in the Los Altos Hills

Let’s Connect

hagit@neshimahealing.com